You're Fake: Life Behind the Filter
I've had a rough two years! I'd say it was an emotional roller coaster, but both up's and downs are required for that. I'm not really sure what kind of slow, depressing, dark ride to liken this to but it was filled with lots crying, eating poorly, complaining, and lastly introspection. A ton of introspection. After unpacking a lot of my issues I realized the common link in all of them is my reaction to things that make me feel weak and insecure. I turn into this fake person. Now when I say fake, I don't mean like this Regina George type of Mean Girls character. It's a kind of filtered Snapchat version of myself. Where I tend to soften the rough edges, put a smile on my face, and say the right things to make those around think I'm doing just fine. Now I like a Snapchat filter just as much as anyone else, but they're impossible to live up to.
So, I've decided that to start living unfiltered, at least off the internet, because sometimes you just want to look amazing when you've been wearing the same sweatpants for 2 days and you haven't showered. Anyway... living a more a transparent life means being honest with yourself and others. I'm gay. This is my truth. It's taken me a long time to feel comfortable in this fact and be okay with it. Some people know and some don't, but this has been the biggest source of my insecurity. I want my loved ones to know me for who I am, not for who I pretend to be. To wrap this up and go to bed, I'm removing the filters from my life and going try my best to let people see the real Terrell. A messy dreamer with a good heart trying to get his credit score together. Okay, that's it...I'm Tired! 😇😴